the continuing saga of Sandy, Bill, Nightpumper and the rest.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

I have officially retained a lawyer

Yesterday, I met with my new lawyer, Boy, am I glad I retained him....whew. I did ask him about blogging about these divorce foibles and feelings..his recommendation: don't do it....although chances are minimal it will impact the case, why give it any chance at all?

I will follow my lawyers advice and cease and desist,...but there's a little problem. I have already done it. Those posts exist and if deleted, I'm savvy enough to know that they still exist on things like RSS feeds 'n such.

AND, if I delete them, that could help out that "small chance" of it coming back at me!....I'll explain later.

So, I've decided to spill my guts just one more time with the thought that , by putting it out there only one more time, I can counteract any negative juju from previous posts by revealing a revelation I had while at the lawyers office that explains why I was dumbfounded and angry....and scared! scared in the last few months that my testicles which retracted into my body cavity awhile back I fear are now stuck into position creating a lot of discomfort, especially when I bend over to tie my shoes...also, my now sensitive liver (from all the drinking of late) is being aggravated by one or possibly two of the testicles pressing against it!

Let's continue: A big part of my emotional expression was because I thought my wife had been taken advantage of by her lawyer. Smooth talked into retaining him. He, using my wife as an income generator instead of working in her best interests by recommending mediation. It smacked me as unethical and underhanded. I was concerned about my wife being ripped by this guy, ...more even, than the repercussions it was making on me!

Think about it. I offered wife a very generous settlement offer if she agreed to use the mediation service. A lawyer I consulted (to see what he thought of the offer) said "she would be crazy not to accept that." Let's just put it this way: it was an offer that is well above any settlement she could get using the lawyer route. She refused the offer!!!!

Boy was I confused, I just could not understand. My best guess was that they must be dating or something. It just did not make any sense at all!

With this situation that I didn't understand, and when I got slammed with the Interrogatory questions her lawyer mandated, and after I spent 30 hours answering them in what I thought was very thorough, yet with minimal fluff.....then when I got the letter saying he needed more and threatened to file a motion to compel. Well, you can understand why someone would get upset and act out, and that's what I did in a relatively minor way using this blog as a venting vehicle. It was also a way of bringing out the absurdity and very likely bad advice and possible questionable ethics and such.....I wanted to bring it out, instead of just submitting, quietly.

If you've read down this far you need to think about if you have a life or not...i know I don't, why should I care at all? It must be posterity. If not that then a sense of justice, that's all i can think of. what's it all about anyway Homer? a bunch 'a nuthin?

...continuing on.....I became confused and upset trying to understand this scenario and all the file searching of documents that had no importance that I could understand even the slightest bit. One thing nobody asked for that made sense to me is an overview of "all things financial" in our lives. I could have provided more relevant information on ONE PAGE than the 3/4" thick package I sent them......frustrating, frustrating, frustrating!!

When I got the letter from the lawyer saying he DIDN'T GET ENOUGH DOCUMENTS and was going to file a motion to compel I really went into a tailspin....that's about the time I started posting divorce angst on this blog. Read them and weep for me because I was depressed, had suicidal thoughts (just thoughts, I wouldn't have acted on it). I felt weak and helpless going it alone against this aggressive pit bull lawyer.....I needed help, but where to go?......

This is now July 5th as I continue:

I made the decision that little old me couldn't come close to being able to go "head to head" with this lawyer. I hadn't retained a lawyer so far thinking (hoping) it would be worked out somewhat amicably and without getting "heavy".....but when that letter came wanting more documents I freaked and realised IT WAS HEAVY DUTY HARDBALL!

No doubt about it, I needed to retain a lawyer......but who? I don't have any referrals to divorce lawyers. I decided to make an appointment with a lawyer who has been practicing only family law for over 30 years in the community. We conferred. That's when he told me I would have to get a forensic auditor, who, as well as me doing my own forensic auditing for hours on end to to come up with, with, I don't know what to tell you the truth. He said there were features to our financial situation that was complex and this divorce process is probably be a long and hard road....for me, and my wife as well. I got very depressed talking to him and yet I was telling myself that I had to have representation and came ever so close to retaining him right there but when it came time to sign the retainer contract I said I wanted to think about it over the weekend.

So, during the weekend I made the decision to interview different lawyers and pick out the best one instead of the first one, comparative shopping if you will. Over the weekend, did a lot of agonizing, what if I a compatible able lawyer did not exist in my community? What if I get stuck with a lawyer like my wife's? Is this all local lawyers have to offer? Am I destined for a future of nothing but woe and misery to walk this earth as if a little boy lost with tombstones in my eyes feeling like a little piece of bacteria on the third rock from the sun, on the outer edge of a nondescript, insignificant galaxy, dwarfed by a cold massive overwhelming and cold Cosmos where God is dead. Yes, where does it all end?....close to the biginning? Aren't we all just chasing our tails as we drink the kool aid of ignorance, bliss and apathy?

....July 7, continuing ......Remember at the top of this overly verbose entry where I said I had a revelation at my lawyers office?...remember that?, if not please go back and review. I'll save this space for you. If you do remember let me explain. When I met with my newly retained lawyer, after he reviewed my case a bit, he said "her timing was really good for divorcing." .....hmmmmm I was thinking, "her timing was 'perfect'" ..."perfect timing" hmmmmmm.........

Now why would he say her timing was perfect? He went on to explain that she left at the time of me receiving a substantial inheritannce that allowed me to pay off the ever increasing mountain of debt we were finding ourselves in. .....let's see, if she left before the inheritance, well, the way the courts figure spousal support, and since she was working and I wasn't....I guess she would have to pay me spousal support! The thing is, I wouldn't have gone after it. we could have worked out something outside of the courts that would be more than fair. I would think she would know that. My hypothesis: She was advised by friends and/or her "lawyer" to use this strategy to maximize gain in the divorce settlement. Somehow, I think she got the idea she would get this big, possibly huge payout.....if she bided her time. A calculated move for sure.

I'm done. If you've made it all the way to the end here I'm sure you will draw the same conclusion I have. Hey, it's life and life only!


Beth said...

It sounds like your new lawyer is a good one. I hope your health woes abate soon! Stress can cause many physical problems.

einbildungskraft said...

wow Eric, that is some writing. Excellent. I hope the ex reads it, maybe it will open her eyes!
I know we are only getting one side of the story, but, undoubtedly, I think mediation in your situation as a couple would have been better. The fact that she reatained a lawyer just seems like she is out to get an unfair financial settlement. She should repond to your entry, that would be fascinating. I bet she is reading it.
Back to having the feet on the ground, no exercising!!!! shame.

Dr Fro PHD said...

Looks like you're on the right track looking for a fair deal for both! If someone doesn't want to play that way you gotta get a cup and a mask and cover yourself. Good going on seeking help.These things are tough to go at alone on all levels. Been there myself! Friends,legal,booze and quiet time all have their roles.Use them wisely.stay in touch.Fro.

Susan Williamson said...

I'm really sorry to hear about all this Emik. I hate those feelings of fear, and being trapped and confused. I'm thinking of you.